Mr. Blue is disappointed

Mr. Blue woke up after the short siesta, it was not yet noon but he had been exhausted this morning; he’d woke up too early and then spent time on the internet helping a friend to finally install a gadget he had bought.

While having a cup of coffee, Blue thought about the whole process with helping his friend. He thought of writing about it but he couldn't use his friend's name, it was too cruel. “If I write about this, I’ll give my friend the name of Wayne D. Holder”, Blue thought and smiled for himself, thinking that the D stood for Dork.

A month ago Blue had decided to buy a media player, a gadget that can play computer files on the TV. He’d had something similar before but this was a cheap new model that he could use in Greece. He bought it and had it up and running the same day. He used it a lot, watching American TV-series or soccer matches, recorded from the internet.

While having the last of his coffee, Blue thought that maybe the mistake was to even mention it to Wayne, but since it was such a simple gadget even Wayne must be able to use it, that's what Blue thought anyway.

But a week later, when Wayne Holder had suddenly decided on ordering a media player, Blue understood that Wayne's technical knowledge was close to nonexistent. Blue got emails with questions that sounded like Wayne knew nothing about how to connect something to a TV or to a computer, didn't know how to use a USB stick and didn't know the difference between the most obvious technical things.

Blue had then advised him against buying the media player, especially after hearing Wayne describe how many times he had failed before with technical things and how ”his life had been full of disappointments”. Wayne also told Blue that he never dares to update his computer programs because ”the computer always crash”.
Instead of searching the internet, reading manuals or checking the forum for the media player, Wayne bombarded Blue with questions regarding his TV and how to connect the player. Blue told him to look in the manual; Wayne had the manual already in his hand but hadn't thought about checking for connection points.

Wayne then presented the biggest problem, the connections were at the back of the TV and it was impossible to get behind because the TV was sitting in an old, gigantic, unmovable cabinet. Then, after emailing back and forth regarding this, Wayne suddenly realizes, after having had the TV for four years, there are actually connections also in the front of the TV. These were also mentioned in the manual, Wayne saw that afterwards, but hadn’t looked on that page when going through the manual.

All through these different problems, Wayne was very tense and nervous and asked of every single step, over and over. Blue asked Wayne to prepare himself so when the media player arrived, he would be ready to install it, connect it to power and to the TV, update the program and get it running.

But, when the media player finally arrives, after waiting day after day for the gadget – Wayne is busy watching his favorite rugby team on the TV and can't do this installation at the same time.

At last it's time to do the installation and Blue was available with support through a chat on the internet. Now another problem materialized; Wayne had not thought about how to connect the media player to power. He has two power points, but they were full. And they were also, unbelievably, hidden behind the enormous cabinet. So there was no way to get power; a week has gone by and he has had plenty of time to prepare this installation or at least fix a temporary extension cord from another socket.

Wayne is now behind the cabinet with a broom, trying to move the power mate. Blue couldn't believe it. Wayne has an extension cord and a power mate but the cord is not long enough and still hidden behind the cabinet. The setup is like it was made by a lunatic.

At last Wayne gets hold of the power mate with the broom, manages to attach the power cord and everything is set to go. The next half hour is then spent on why the media player is still dead, like it didn’t get power. On/off, remote, reset – everything is tried. In the end Wayne realizes he had not properly connected the power cord in the socket. Blue is fuming and his nerves are outside of his body. It’s very late and they have to break and start again the next morning.
When Blue checks his email first thing in the morning he realizes what is wrong and emails Wayne back what to do. Wayne has at the same time received the same answers from the forum on the net.

But when Blue again reads the email from Wayne in the morning, he almost explodes. Wayne has, instead of solving the final issue with the media player, started to speculate in how he won’t get it to work and what alternatives he has, selling the gadget on eBay is one option. And then he writes, and this is the final drop for Blue:”so close but so very far....”

Blue writes Wayne an email and says that he understands that his life has been ”full of disappointments”, since he takes small problems like this as disappointments. What grown-up person can act like that, like a cry-baby, instead of trying to solve the problem? Blue has gotten really irritated and email Wayne exactly his thoughts.
Life is full of these different problems to solve, a grown-up should concentrate on solving them instead of moaning about ”bad luck” or about how life is full of ”disappointments”.

In the meantime Wayne had followed Blue’s simple instructions, managed to add another cable and then everything was working. The media player was giving picture and sound on the TV.

Blue was happy that Wayne had his gadget up and running now but next time he will stay away from any of Wayne's technical issues, Blue will keep his contact with Wayne but try to keep it to poetry and writing, Wayne is a wonderful poet and it feels like the writer Wayne is totally separated from the other Wayne. Like Rimbaud he is two persons.

Blue thought about the whole project and understood why he was so exhausted this morning. Also he decided not to write about it, it's too gross.

Lulu

 

Homa

Our garden looked fine when we arrived,
Zhanetta had done a good job watering the
trees and the plants but we needed to buy new
soil and get some fertilizer.

Our Greek friends told us to collect droppings from
donkeys and keep them in a hole in the ground and
after a couple of months we could use this as
the best fertilizer.

This sounded very smelly and not too tempting to handle so
we ordered eight sacks of “homa” from Koukoudakis the
fruit merchant and Dimitris the donkey man brought the
sacks of soil to our house early the next morning.

When we opened the sacks and spread the soil under the
lemon trees the smell was very strong and we found out that
the “homa” we had bought was a mixture of
half soil and half donkey shit.

It’s excellent fertilizer, but now, three days after
we spread it under the trees our garden still smells
like a donkey shed.

When we have breakfast on the terrace, though, we can
smell the very best fertilizer and we think about
how good this is for our lemon and
orange trees.

How's your Greek?

 

Telephone answering machine

The phone system on our small Greek island has
gone digital and there is a built in answering service
in the system; after three rings a Greek female voice
comes on, apparently saying you can leave a message.

But I can’t listen to the messages, the instructions are
in Greek and too complicated for me. And when I call the
support they tell me I can change the instructions to
English by pressing some numbers.

But it doesn’t work and also these instructions are
in Greek.

When someone calls us, the three short rings don’t
give time to run from the garden to the phone.
The machine goes on and people don’t understand
what to do and I can’t listen to the message anyway.

But everything’s fine,
I’m not so keen on
getting phone calls anyway.

We’re on holiday.